You just made me feel so damn special
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
