Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
