is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
