I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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