I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
