she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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