I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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