i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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