Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
