so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
