And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
