Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.