Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?