I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
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my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
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You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.