Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
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you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
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Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?