there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
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Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
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Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
50% drunk capacity currently
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?