I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
