you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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