So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
