The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
