Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
