I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
So squirting runs in the family.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
