i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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