I CAN MOONWALK!
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
