I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
