I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
She bit a glass in half.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
