I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
