Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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