Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
