OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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