I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
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