the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
