So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
