Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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