He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
