who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
