11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
