and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
My bed smells like the plague
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
