her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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