I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
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Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
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I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Randomize