It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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