wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You have to summon your inner elephant
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
