please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
People in love make me want to vomit
they need to just BURY HIM!
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
