My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
