tell your sister to shave her snatch
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
