Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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