You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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