Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
