I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
