I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
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I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
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2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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