If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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