I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
