when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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