what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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