just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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