Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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