Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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