i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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