dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
