Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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