it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
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