whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
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He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
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Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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