i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
