So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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