My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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