We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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